Traditionally the 60’s and 70’s are crowned the worst food decades in history; but this past weekend i spent with an old friend reminiscing over the endless wonders of the decade of our hallowed birth-the 80’s. It appears that once one has passed the age of about 23 it becomes impossible to avoid the obligatory wallowing in the resplendent period that was your youth, however spurious your recollections really are. When seen shrouded in the golden mists of nostalgia even something as truly foul as Primula cheese and ham spread can seem ambrosial. If you weren’t born in the eighties the following post will not mean much to you-but if you were i urge you to cast your minds back to what is undeniably the worst decade food has ever seen…….
So here’s how the eighties looked prandially for us lucky folk who grew up watching Flashdance and eating Bovril sandwiches. And while I’m in the spirit I’ve matched some food with films/classic 80’s tracks simply because they just don’t make ’em like they used to…….
1. The Song:New Order, “Blue Monday”
The Food: Pasta or Rice Salad
How? Take cold, pre-cooked rice or pasta-preferably overcooked, mix with tinned sweetcorn, cubed cucumber, anything else of gaudy hue and watery flavour and mix through some mayonnaise. Ta da! Should taste like eating cold Marigold gloves if you’re aiming at authenticity.
Why?God alone knows
2. The Song: Depeche Mode, “Just Can’t Get Enough”
The Food:Primula Cheese Spread
Why?This, as far as I can tell, contained no trace of cheese but was wonderfully moreish due to the solid chewy lumps of salt disguised as “ham”. Liquid yellow MSG. Delicious on plastic white sliced bread-you just can’t get enough.
3.The Song:Madonna, “Lucky Star” and “Into the Groove”
The Food:Iced Gems, Party Rings, Club biscuits, Gold Bar
Why:The 80’s did kid’s parties like no one else, remember the hundreds and thousands on ice cream, and the flourescent biscuits. Ahh the joy, ahh the e-numbers.
4.The Song:The Beegees, “Staying Alive”
The Film:“Staying Alive” with John Travolta in his hey-day-a must-see
The Food:Angel Delight-this song feels particularly appropriate to this food (see photo caption). Butterscotch flavour was my personal favourite. Tasted vaguely like licking a popcorn dusted cinema carpet.
5.The Song: Adam Ant, “Prince Charming”
The Food: Cheese and Pineapple cocktail stick canapés
Why? why the hell not-it’s the 80’s. The definition of Classy.
The Film Line up: “Look Who’s Talking”, “Three Men and a Baby”, “Desperately Seeking Susan”, “Officer and Gentleman”, “Steel Magnolias”, “Footloose”, “Flashdance”, “Parenthood”. The 80’s was about family-based comedy and Dancing Your Ass Off- you can’t beat it.
So watch any of these cracking movies, listen to some Bowie, put on an oversized Baseball hoodie and a pair of old Hi-tec trainers (for men) or a shoulder padded top with tye-dye leggings (ladies) and tuck into a large blue Slush Puppy and a Bovril Sandwich and you’ll feel the magic all over again……..